


Knocked Up

by Ericadawn16



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-01-26 13:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12558880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ericadawn16/pseuds/Ericadawn16
Summary: Ianto gets a promotion at work, meets Jack and things are never the same...Written for the Reel_Torchwood community on LiveJournal, it combines the film, Knocked Up, with elements from Doctor Who and Torchwood.





	1. Preconceptions

Chapter One: Preconceptions 

Rhi woke up on their plush carpeted floor. She couldn't recall how she had ended up there, but knew it had something to do with either the ten year old son who was sleeping on the bed next to his father or the six year old girl who was jumping on it. 

"David, wake up!" the girl yelled and continued to jump.

"Why?" the boy asked without opening his eyes.

"Daddy, wake up!" she yelled and jumped on him.

"Mica," she spoke and gave her a stern glare as her husband made an "oof" noise.

"Okay, I'm up," Johnny agreed and lifted Mica off the bed.

*************************************************************

Meanwhile, Ianto Jones was waking up to the sounds of All Along the Watchtower from his clock radio. Sometimes, he wondered why he bothered. He should wake up to a CD of his choice rather than whatever the disc jockey fancied that day. He supposed it was easier this way, like living in the guesthouse on his sister's property. Rhi had married well...very well and he liked having her close after everything they'd been through together. A little later, Ianto walked into the main house to the kitchen where he found his sister fixing breakfast. He took a piece of toast and started buttering it as his brother-in-law entered.

"I need you to take the kids to school this morning," Rhi spoke while moving eggs around in the pan. Ianto finished adding jam and took a bite.

"Oh, I would but I'm supposed to work out," Johnny told her and Ianto tried not to choke on his toast. Johnny's idea of working out was getting up from his chair to change the channel.

"What?" asked Rhi with the same confusion. 

"I got an appointment with a trainer. I can't cancel now, he'll charge me," he explained before pouring a glass of orange juice. 

"Well, you didn't tell me," Rhi spoke before dividing the eggs into portions. 

"Yeah, I did, last week, I told you," Johnny insisted as he straightened up Mica's hair bow. 

"You didn't tell me," she said and Ianto sat down before he could be caught in the cross-fire.

"I did and then, I wrote it on the calendar like you asked me to," Johnny told her.

"No, you didn't tell me," Rhi spoke, setting a plate in front of everyone.

"I did tell you," he said again and even David was focusing only on his breakfast rather than his parents.

"Well, you didn't but what are we going to do? Because I have an appointment so you're taking the kids to school," Rhi said in her voice that held a warning of any further discussion. Johnny wasn't taking the hint. His mouth was starting to open.

"I can drive them. I'll drive them to school," Ianto suggested before the other man could say anything.

"Thank you very much," Johnny spoke.

"Great. Good. You turned my brother into a limo driver," Rhi complained and poured more coffee into her empty cup.

"I don't mind," Ianto told her and speared some egg on his fork.

"It all worked out," Johnny confirmed and squeezed Mica's shoulder.  
In no time at all, both kids were in the backseat of Ianto's car. Then, Mica started giggling. 

"What are you giggling about?" Ianto asked and stole a peek in the rearview mirror. David frowned at his sister.

"Be quiet. You're starting to annoy me," the boy spoke and crossed his arms.

"Poo poo," said Mica and giggled. 

"Mica, David, be nice," Ianto told them from the front.

"You know what I did the other day?" David asked.

"What?" the adult replied and was a bit anxious because he never knew what David was going to say.

"I Googled murder," the boy replied as though he had looked up Miley Cyrus or something. Ianto winced. There was plenty of murder in the world without looking for it. Maybe he had heard wrong.

"You 'Googled murder'?" he clarified and wondered when the appropriate age for looking up murder was...was it ten? It seemed like it should be older...or preferably never. 

"Yeah," David confirmed and nodded. Mica clutched her doll tighter.

"Why?" Ianto asked and thought it sounded too much like what Rhi would comment, "I mean, what did it say?"

"It didn’t say anything. It just showed pictures of people lying dead on the floor and...blood everywhere and ugh..." the boy commented and Ianto saw in the mirror that the boy stuck his tongue out in disgust. His uncle was able to relax.

"That was just ketchup," he said in his best lying voice from work, "Who wants to hear some music?"

"I want to hear Rent," David requested with a smile.

"I want to hear Green Day!" Mica yelled as she laid her doll beside her before taking something out of her backpack. 

"No, we're listening to Rent," David insisted. 

"Well, I want to listen to Green Day," the girl complained, "Nooo!"

To be honest, Ianto wasn't sure he had either one. There was the clacking sound of things spilling onto the floor of his car and he didn't want to think what those could be.

"Well, I got your baby!" David declared with relish. Mica began to cry and Ianto began to reconsider why he agreed to this.

"Don't taunt her, come on," he told the boy without looking back.

"Here," David said and Ianto watched in the mirror as the boy threw it at his sister.

"David!" he spat and thought about how they couldn't be that far from the school.

"Ow!" Mica wailed harder.

"Why did you just do that? Don't do things at your sister!" Ianto yelled and felt incompetent. At least at work, he could pull out a gun and that usually made the troublemaker do what he wanted, but he couldn't pull a gun on his nephew. 

"He hit me," Mica complained.

"I did not," David lied.

"Can't you at least try to apologize?" asked Ianto before turning around to face Mica and her tear-stained face, "It's okay. You're not hurt."

"It's not just that," said the boy, "she spilled all her marbles on the floor."

Now, he had marbles rolling around the interior of the car.

"Perfect," Ianto muttered to himself.

********************************************************

In Jack's house, the men were sitting around several televisions and computers, but John was wearing a smile.

"All right? Now, are you sure you understand the terms of the bet? ‘Cause this is serious," John was explaining with his hands.

"Oh, no," Andy said and shook his head.

"Andy, listen. You don’t shave your beard or cut your hair for one year, and if you can do that, I will pay your rent. But if you shave, then you have to pay all five of our rents," John spoke and spread his legs with deliberate action. His hands rested very close to his crotch.

As if that could win Andy over...that man was the straightest bloke Jack had ever met, Jack thought and also, Jack had already tried before...a lot. 

"I have a real job...REAL job," said Andy over pronouncing so it sounded like a multi-syllable word, "The only reason I have this on my face now is because I don't have to come in until Thursday morning, but on Thursday morning, when I appear for my rota, I will be expected to be fuzz-free."

"Well, not exactly fuzz-free, you're all the fuzz," John commented and laughed.

"I'm a police constable who makes stable, decent money unlike you blokes," Andy spoke and Jack wondered if he should step in. However, he was enjoying this too much.

"I work, I pay my rent every month...almost every month," John amended, "How can you say we don't work?"

"Because I serve the public interest, Jack has a trust fund or settlement or some such sort and Owen's a doctor," Andy explained, "But I don't know what you or Mickey do, he could be a male escort for all I know."

"I'd make a good one," Mickey retorted.

"But it's why you're able to spend so much time on this stupid website," Andy pointed out.

"It's not stupid," Jack spoke, defending it, "fleshofthestars.com will be a quality establishment where customers can look up exactly which film and where in that film their favorite actor or actress is exposed."

"Nice," said John.

"Oh, fucking result!" Owen added.

"Pretty good, right?" Jack asked with his best grin.

"Yeah," Mickey agreed and looked at the nearest screen where Britt Ekland was naked, "So, what were everyone's findings this week?"

"I found full-frontal Viggo Mortensen in The Indian Runner," said Owen and took out a folded paper from his pocket.

*********************************************************

Ianto was inputting numbers into Excel when he heard running coming towards him.

"Ianto, we may have a small problem," said Gareth with his thumb and forefinger less than an inch from each other. He found it hard to believe when it was followed by a couple of shrieks. Ianto stood up and walked back with him to Research Room 1. 

"It's a Prygstyr, we were monitoring its behaviour and it escaped its cage," Gareth explained as they neared the windowed area. The Prygstyr sat on a bookcase, hissing and waving its very long claws. It was the size of a chicken but a lot more fatal.

"Where's Adeola?" Ianto asked and Gareth looked at him as though he'd gone mental, "Where is she?"

"She's hiding under the desk in there," the other man explained and pointed at the room in front of them.

"Yep," said Ianto and he realized what he had in mind could work...he had a plan; "I need Adeola's lunch from the fridge in the lounge."  
Gareth wasn't moving.

"Right now would be nice," Ianto quipped and the other man left. Ianto turned to Idris and spoke, "Get a tranq gun and load it. Then, come back here."

Why were none of the field agents ever around when you needed them? He'd have to complain to Gwen the next time he saw her.

"I got the lunch!" Gareth cried and ran towards him with a small paper bag. Ianto took it from him and motioned for Idris to hurry up.

"You're going to have to follow me in," he spoke and waited for Idris to stand behind with the gun. The Prygstyr was stabbing the file cabinet with its claws; deep gouges were appearing in the metal. 

"Is that my lunch?" asked Adeola in an annoyed tone. She started to crawl from under the table and the Prygstyr jumped on top of that table. It quaked under the force. There was no time to lose. Ianto opened the door to attract the alien's attention. It ran and jumped on Ianto as he opened the bag. At the same time that a long claw was stabbing into his lower abdomen, Ianto took out the sandwich and his fingers made out the smooth texture of the cheese that he touched to the Prygstyr. It cried in agony.

"Now!" he screamed as it loosened its grip on him. There was a hiss from Idris' gun and an orange cap appeared in the alien's side but not before it slashed Ianto again. This time it was like a knife, slashing part of his stomach open.

"Oh shit," he said as both he and the Prygstyr fell on the floor. 

"How did you know that would happen?" asked Adeola while looking at the unconscious alien. There was a red welt where he had pressed the cheese to its skin.

"The Prygstyr is severely allergic to Lactose...and you always eat a sandwich with cheese for lunch," Ianto explained and pressed his hands against the wounds.

"Shit, Ianto!" Gareth cried, "I'll go get aid." 

"It used to be Provolone, but three months ago, you switched to Swiss," said Ianto and his chest was beginning to hurt. Then, there was blackness.

When he woke up, Ianto found himself in a hospital bed and he recognized his surroundings as the infirmary.

"Mr. Jones, we were told you'd wake up soon," said Yvonne Hartman with a curious expression, "We need to talk."

Yvonne was the head of Torchwood. This couldn't be good.

"He's awake" Alex Hopkins commented and stood beside her. Alex was second in command. This really couldn't be good. They must have found some reason that it was all Ianto's fault and he would be rewarded with a severance package and a little white pill to forget everything. He would no longer know anything about the organization dealing with aliens on Earth.

"Alex and I have been discussing your employment here the last week or so," Yvonne started, "even before this incident earlier today."

They've been talking about me? Ianto thought but remained silent.

"The incident with the Prygstyr just further cements your reputation as an employee who's level-headed under pressure with leadership capabilities but unafraid to do his part to help," Alex spoke.

"In short, the qualities that make for the best field agents," Yvonne added and he couldn't believe what they were saying. He didn't realize the grin growing on his face.

"I'll take that smile as a 'Yes, I'll do it,'" said Alex and Ianto nodded.

"It’s a lot of work. Can’t wait to see what happens. It’s going to be tough. Tough job," Yvonne commented, "but as soon as Dr. Frobisher clears you, you can report to Miss Guppy to upgrade your weapon."

He nodded; he wasn't sure if he could talk right now. Then, Dr. Frobisher came over with a clipboard and pen.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and Ianto remembered the attempted mauling from the alien. He lifted his shirt so he could peek at his stomach. Except for two thin white lines, it looked like nothing had even happened and he did feel good, really good.

"I'm fine," he answered and the doctor nodded.

"We've been testing a new drug this week...works beautifully, like the patient never had anything happen to them. It has real potential," said the older man with a smile, "Your tests look good. I'd recommend changing into a spare top before going home, but you're free to go."

He changed as fast as he could, saw Alice Guppy who gave him a better gun and hurried home as rapidly as the law would allow. Ianto ran into the living room where Rhi and Johnny were sitting on the couch.

"I was promoted at work!" he informed her with the huge grin that just wouldn't go away. She jumped up and hugged him.

"Yay! That's so exciting!" Rhi screamed and Ianto agreed, "Yep."

"Oh my god!" she said and shook Johnny who was listening to something on headphones, "Hey."

"Huh?" he asked as he took one of the ear buds out.

"I got a promotion," Ianto told him and Johnny nodded.

"Oh, congratulations," Johnny said without getting up.

"Thank you," Ianto spoke and felt wound up. He wanted to do something.

"Let's go celebrate!" Rhi suggested and that sounded like a really good idea.

"Okay, let's do it," he agreed and they looked at Johnny.

"Johnny'll watch the kids?" Rhi asked and looked at him with her pout.

"Yeah, we can watch Secret Diary of a Call Girl," he said and Ianto tried not to smile.

"What do you want to do?" Rhi questioned Ianto and he shrugged.

"Not sure, I feel so...so full of energy like I could run to the moon and back or something," he said and laughed.

"We'll sort out something," Rhi said, shaking her head before watering one of the plants. Something ended up going to a club.

"I can always tell if I'm good looking based on whether or not we get in," said Rhi and straightened her dress. In a few minutes, they reached the bouncer who waved them in. They passed a number of men, including one with an old RAF coat. Then, they were inside and he forgot about everyone outside.


	2. Conception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title kind of summarizes it...

Chapter Two: Conception 

Jack stood with his mates in a corner of the club. It had taken while, but the bouncer had finally let him in. It turned out that he hadn't forgotten John's comment last time.

"How about that one?" asked Owen, pointing out a woman wearing a skirt so tight she couldn't possibly be wearing underwear. He shrugged. Owen could have her.

"That bloke's fit," John commented and motioned with his head to a man with a very tiny waist. "I wonder if he has a poodle."

Maybe there was something wrong with him because Jack didn't see anyone that he'd want to go home with. It wasn't normal. Every single time before, he'd found someone within twenty minutes. This was aggravating.

"I'm getting a drink," he announced as Owen and John chatted up their respective potential partners. Mickey and Andy had settled onto a couch. He waited to see if anyone wanted anything and headed for the bar.

******************************************************

"It's like everyone in here is twelve years old," Rhi complained as they danced in a corner. "Am I too old to be here?"

Was she being serious?

"What?" Ianto asked because the music was quite loud.

"Am I too old to be here?" Rhi repeated and shook her bottom.

"No, of course not," he told her. He supposed it was a bit odd but he had never made friends easily. Now, they were all married except for Lisa and Martha who were more like acquaintances. He hadn't been able to keep a bloke as a friend. The last one was Eugene at work and he'd died.

"Does it look weird that I'm here?" his sister asked and he knew she was still in a mood from this morning.

"No, not at all," he said as a good brother. 

"Am I hotter than these little biffas?" she questioned with her eyes closed.

"Yes," he confirmed to try to cheer her up. He didn't want to think of Rhi that way. "I'm getting us drinks."

He left for the bar before the conversation could go any further.

****************************************************************

Jack sat at the bar doing everything short of waving his arms like he was trying direct traffic. The bartender was being a dick.

"Hello, Bartender! A beer down here would be nice!" he called and wondered if he should unbutton some collar buttons to improve his chances. However, from the way the bartender was chatting up a woman wearing a corset so that she was almost bursting out...he doubted his showing skin would work. If he would only come closer, Jack could be able to convince him better. People were easier to deal with once they'd smelled him. Then, a young man sat beside him on a stool. He was dressed all in blue...Jack's favorite color.

"Hey bartender! Excuse me!" he yelled in a Welsh accent. 

"He's literally ignoring this half of the bar. Don't even bother," Jack told him and the other shrugged. "A beer over here, please?"

The bartender glanced in their direction and went back to the woman.

"He looked at us. Did you see that?" asked Jack with annoyance. The young man was wearing a studded belt with tight jeans. Too bad he was sitting down or Jack could look at his ass.

"Maybe he'll take a break to the loo and finish the deal so we can get served," he suggested in a hopeful tone. Jack could listen to that voice all day. 

"Okay, you want a beer?" Jack said with his best grin. He had a plan and if it went well, maybe he could at least learn his name.

"Yeah," he confirmed and the zipper of his fitted jacket hit the wooden bar, making a sound.

"Just observe," Jack whispered and looked to the far side of the bar, opposite of where the bartender was occupied. He leaned over to get a better view.

"Sir, do you have the time?" he yelled at a bloke doodling on a napkin.

"9:06!" the man replied as Jack liberated two beers from behind the bar.

"There you go," he said and handed one to the man beside him.

"Thank you," the other spoke and for an instant, he smiled.

"Enjoy it," Jack told him and clinked their bottles. Then, the other man visibly winced.

"Something wrong?" Jack questioned and was about to snap off the bottle cap on the edge of the bar.

"I was supposed to get one for my sister," he explained and Jack stopped his actions. There was only one gentlemanly thing to do.

"Here, take mine," Jack said and held out his beer.

"No, that's okay, I'll wait..."

"Who knows when he'll finally service this part of the bar, just take it," Jack insisted and although the other hesitated, he took it.

"Thank you," he said and held both beers up.

"No problem," Jack told him.

"My name's Ianto, Ianto Jones," the man said and the name was as Welsh as the accent.

"Jack Harkness," he spoke and wished they could shake hands but Ianto had a bottle in both hands. There were all sorts of things he could say at that point...and none were coming out of his mouth.

"Well..." Ianto spoke and stood up. "Thanks again for the beer."

You need to say something now, Jack thought but nothing was happening.

"I'll see you later," he spoke to Ianto's retreating form, "No, I won't because..."

What had happened there? He could flirt with anyone or anything except Ianto Jones? This would not be easily lived down.

**********************************************************

"So, who was that?" asked Rhi, taking the beer from him.

"Said his name was Jack," said Ianto and twisted off the cap with his bare hands.

"And?" she prodded with a smile before using a key ring to take the cap off on her own.

"Kind of cute," he revealed with a shrug, "Older though, like forty."

"Older than me then," Rhi commented with surprise. Then, she used her other hand to check whether her hair was holding its shape.

********************************************************

"Nice moves, Jack," John quipped before Mickey gave him a high-five.

"I had him. I had him and then...I froze," Jack explained in between gulps of beer. "I'll definitely be thinking about him later."

"Are you fuckin’ crazy, man? He looks...smart. Who’s that he’s sitting with?" asked John in an almost frightening tone. 

"It's his sister," he replied and John perked up even more.

"His sister?" John questioned.

"Yeah," Jack confirmed and John stood up.

"It’s the dream. What are we doin’ standing here man? Let’s go. Come on, follow me," he said and took Jack's hand.

******************************************************

Ianto had just finished off his beer when Jack approached with another bloke.

"Hi," Jack greeted him and he reciprocated, "Hi." This wasn't going to get awkward again, was it?

"Hi, this is my friend, John," Jack explained. "I have my own beer now so it all worked out."

"This is my sister, Rhi," Ianto spoke and motioned beside him.

"Oh, hi, I'm Jack," he said with a grin.

"Hi...Jack, was it?" she asked even though she knew what his name was. Ianto kicked her foot under the table. Jack was growing on him and he didn't want Rhi to chase him off or something.

"Yes," the other man confirmed.

"Nice to meet you," she said and held out her hand, they shook.

"Allow me," John spoke and took her hand before kissing it. "How are you this evening?"

"Good, how are you?" Rhi asked as she took her hand back.

"Just trying not to stare," John replied with ease.

"She's married," Ianto informed him before things went too far.

"Why do you have to say that?" Rhi complained with a glare.

"What?" Ianto responded.

"It's a shame. You're beautiful," John spoke and his brown eyes appeared to be mentally undressing his sister. Something had to be done.

"Thank you," Rhi told him before Ianto blurted, "She has two kids, too."

"Shut up!" Rhi cried.

"What? It's nothing to be ashamed of," Ianto spoke and set down the empty bottle. Jack leaned close to him and whispered in his ear, "You think that’s gonna stop him from hitting on her? It’s not, at all."

His breath hit the sensitive folds and he felt it all the way through his body. His energy from earlier returned as well as the restlessness.

"I love kids!" John exclaimed.

"Really?" Rhi asked with disbelief.

"Yeah, absolutely," John maintained and Ianto wondered if that was code for his having an illegitimate child in every major city. Then, there was the unmistakable chirp of his sister's mobile.

"Excuse me," Rhi told them and flipped open the device. "Hello?"

Was that cologne Jack was wearing or some sort of after-shave? He tried to smell without being too obvious. It was intoxicating.

"What? Is it a rash or is it the chicken pox? I don’t know! Google it. Okay. All right, bye," said Rhi into her mobile before closing it and turning to everyone else, "I got to go. David might have the chicken pox."

"I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it," John boasted.

"We don't have the heart to tell him it's Herpes," said Jack with a chuckle.

"It's not Herpes if it's everywhere," John argued as Rhi collected her mobile and stood up.

"Are you coming?" she asked Ianto and Ianto looked at Jack. He hadn't noticed Jack's eyes before. They were blue like a Kanchanaburi sapphire.

"Oh, you smell so good," said Ianto without thinking and added, "I'm not tired, I'll just stay." 

"Really?" asked Rhi and her brown eyes were questioning.

"Yeah, I'll find my own way home," he said and saw John smirk.

"Be safe," his sister spoke and he hoped his cheeks weren't reddening. 

"I will," he promised and told himself that he wasn't making a huge mistake.

"Bye, lovely," John told her.

"Bye," said Rhi and started for the exit. 

"All right, I'm going to let you two get to know each other," John spoke with a wink.

******************************************************

Jack bought Ianto a drink and then another one and then he lost track since he was drinking just as much. 

"Actually, she took me out because I got a promotion today!" Ianto declared with a smile. He had the cutest smile.

"What's your job then?" Jack asked.

"You'd find it boring," the other replied. "It's government work."  
If he didn't want to talk about it, that was fine with Jack.

****************************************************************

Ianto was hornier than he'd been since he was a teenager. If it weren't for it being a public place full of people, he'd have Jack up against a wall right now. Still, he could control this. He could wait because from what he felt when they pressed together while dancing...Jack felt the same way.

"No, I do, I have the complete Top Trumps Star Wars collection. I used to play it in college," Ianto explained, "If you want, we could go to my place and see it."

Jack played with a button on his collar as he answered, "I'd love to see them."

**********************************************************

Jack walked out of the club with Ianto and if it weren't for holding his hand, it was possible that he'd fall down. Everything seemed funny.

"Wait a minute, we shouldn't drive," Ianto pointed out.

"I don't have a vehicle here anyway," Jack said with a laugh. After a moment, Ianto agreed, "I don't think I do either!"

"Taxi!" Jack yelled and waited for one of the black vehicles to approach. He held the door open for Ianto to enter first and climbed into it after him. As Ianto told the driver the address, he couldn't keep his eyes off those pink lips. When they had stopped moving, he did something about it. Their lips met and parted and their tongues danced over one another. His right hand rested on the back of Ianto's head where the dark hair was short and prickly. He hoped his place was close by.

************************************************************

Ianto's jeans were beyond tight and very uncomfortable as they exited the cab and made their way across his sister's lawn.

"This is a big yard!" Jack yelled when they were only halfway. 

"Shh!" Ianto told him and wished they were the only ones home so they could take full advantage of the pool. When they were within a foot of his door, Jack began kissing him again and he fumbled with his keys. Jack pressed against him and he felt how hard he was through the thinner trouser fabric. He couldn't help the moan that escaped his throat. Then, he plunged the metal into the keyhole and turned. The door came open easier than they were expecting and he fell against but Jack fell on tile entry floor. Ianto laughed before asking, "Are you alright?"

"Not sure," Jack replied and Ianto bent down to help him when he grabbed the edge of his jacket and pulled. Ianto lost his balance and fell except Jack caught him in his arms. He couldn't help noticing how broad and strong they were, like his chest. Ianto kissed him this time and as it deepened as before, Jack removed his jacket. Ianto did the same with the heavy wool coat that Jack wore although it was soft to the touch. Then, Jack raised the stakes by rubbing his leg against Ianto's crotch. Ianto had to stop at the sensation. Before he knew it, Jack was undoing his belt and the zipper it hid. 

"Yes," Ianto moaned as Jack slid down those constricting jeans. His cock was peeking through the flap of his boxers; fully erect and dripping. Jack's hand wrapped itself around it and it felt so good. Stroke by stroke, he was bought to a state where he barely felt conscious and then, screaming his appreciation. 

"Oh...that was...that was good," Ianto whispered while still trying to catch his breath and saw that not only was Jack's trousers bulging but they had new stains, "I hope the cum comes out."

"Me, too," Jack agreed, "but it wouldn't have been a problem if we'd just taken all of it off first."

There was still plenty of time to do that. 

"I do have a bedroom, aptly named because it does, in fact, contain a bed," Ianto pointed out and motioned towards another door.

"That sounds like a plan," Jack agreed and they stood up although the coat and jacket remained behind. Ianto hurried ahead of him and opened the top drawer by his bed; lube, handcuffs, dildo...shit. He used up his last box months ago and never replaced it.

"Do you have a condom?" Ianto asked Jack as he entered.

"I do," the other man confirmed and pushed him back onto the bed. Ianto removed his shirt and jeans as fast as possible with such force that the shoes were pulled off as well.

"Someone has a hole in their sock," Jack said in a sing-song voice and Ianto stuck his foot into Jack's neck hole and pushed downward so that half his shirt became unbuttoned.

"An undershirt? Really?" he asked with disappointment.

"I like the way it looks," Jack defended and pulled the socks off so all Ianto wore were the boxers that didn't hide a thing. He leaned up and tugged the rest of the shirt open. There were several pinging noises as a few of the buttons hit his wooden furniture.

"So, that's how you like it," Jack commented and shook off the ripped shirt before stripping off his undershirt. Ianto stared at his chest; fit without being too hard or bony. It was just the way he liked it. Jack reached down to undo his boots and take off his socks that still looked brand-new. Then, he inched open his belt and trousers at a snail pace as Ianto felt his anticipation build. The tent he pitched in those trousers was quite impressive indeed. To his relief, Jack neglected to wear any knickers and it made its appearance as soon as the zipper reached the end of the line. Ianto gasped at seeing a cock bigger than his own; not an inch difference in length but definitely thicker.

"I think you're drooling a bit, Ianto., Ianto Jones," said Jack with a grin.

"Just a bit," he tried to joke, but his thoughts weren't so coherent anymore as Jack's trousers came off as well. Ianto was standing at attention as he lay on the bed and he pulled off his boxers so he was stark naked on the duvet. Jack climbed onto the bed on top of him and they kissed again. Their cocks rubbed together. Ianto groaned and reached into the drawer by his bed for the lube.

"You think you're ready?" asked Jack in his ear like earlier that night and he shivered all over.

"I'm ready," Ianto uttered. "just put the condom on."

Jack kissed him again. His fingers trailed down Ianto's chest, playing with the hair until reaching his cock and when Ianto closed his eyes, he felt Jack flipping him onto his stomach. Fingers stretched him and hit his prostate until he was begging, "More." He felt Jack leave the bed and knew he would be getting that condom he mentioned earlier. Ianto passed the time by stroking himself, but it was taking too long.

"Hurry up!" he yelled and couldn't help the impatience in his voice. Jack muttered something he couldn't make out.

"What are you doing?" Ianto asked because he was about to finish without him.

"I almost got it," Jack replied, "just give me a second."

A second? It wasn't rocket science. 

"Shit, just do it already!" Ianto pleaded and was rewarded with Jack climbing onto the bed again. He sighed in ecstasy at the new breach and they moved in tandem until he screamed Jack's name. Then, he slumped to the bed in bliss as Jack came as well. Ianto didn't remember much after that as sleep claimed him.


	3. Day One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What had Ianto been thinking???

Chapter Three: Day One

As the first rays of sunshine hit Ianto Jones in the morning, he was already awake. What had he done? He'd brought this guy home that he didn't know at all and had sex with him. What was he thinking?

"Idiot," he muttered as Jack snored beside him; sleeping in the nude with his ass facing the world. The only consolation was that he had no trace of a hangover. It must be due to that new drug they'd injected him with. He nudged Jack with his foot.

"Fuck off, Andy. I said fuck off, Andy," he mumbled without opening his eyes.

"Lovely," Ianto commented and Jack turned around with a sleepy expression.

"Hi," Ianto told him.

"Hello," Jack uttered so Ianto repeated him, "Hello."

"I'm naked," the other man remarked, "and so are you."

"Yeah," he confirmed and got up to collect his clothes for the day. First, he wanted a shower.

"I don't normally drink that much," Jack apologized before smiling; "We had sex, right?"

Shit, he couldn't even remember that?

"Yes," he answered and took out a clean pair of boxers.

"Nice," Jack said, "What time is it?"

"7:30," he informed him, "and I have to get a shower."

"Then, why are we awake? Let's go back to sleep," Jack complained, "or we could do something else."

"No," Ianto said, throwing him his trousers from the floor, "I have to work."

"Really?" the other asked in a serious tone. It was too early for this.

"Do you need to get to work or anything?" he asked because he didn't know whether Jack had a job or what he did for money or...anything.

"No work today. Do you want to get brekkie?" Jack questioned him and it would be an opportunity to learn more about the man he had sex with last night.

"Ok," he agreed and had his clean clothes in his arms, "After I shower and change clothes, we'll go."

*******************************************************

The previous nights events were trickling back to Jack's memory as time passed, including one very worrying thing. He wouldn't tell Ianto though because he was pretty sure that Ianto would be mad and he was sure everything would turn out. What was the worst that could happen? It wasn't like Ianto was a woman. 

As they came closer to Ianto's car, a man and two kids were flying out of the main house.

"Morning," Ianto greeted the group.

"Good morning, Ianto," said Johnny with a smirk.

"I'm Jack Harkness," he said to the man and held out his hand.

"Jack," the man repeated with a nod before adding, "Ah, to be young."

"Stop it," Ianto complained with his arms crossed.

"You stop it," said the man in a tone like a twelve year old.

"Bye," Ianto stated and Jack wondered how close they were. 

"Nice meeting you," Jack told him before realising that he still didn't know his name. 

"See you later, enjoy the day," the man spoke and Jack looked back in time to see him tell the girl with him, "Never do what they did."

"I'm gonna do it," a little girl's voice declared. Before he got in the car, he heard the man say, "You are? Uh-oh. Someone's getting home-schooled."

******************************************

Ianto hoped the waitress would come back soon with their food, or at least his coffee. It was one of the reasons to look forward to work when he could brew the perfect cup of coffee, but he could make do with this for now. Jack was in the loo. He did not look well before he excused himself and hurried to those two sets of doors towards the back. Ianto checked the morning's headlines on his mobile and heard his footsteps coming back. Jack sat down with a bit of embarrassment on his face.

"Did you throw up?" Jack asked and laid his hands on his thighs. Ianto resisted rolling his eyes before answering, "No."

"Oh," the other spoke as Ianto put away his mobile. There were no obvious signs of alien activity today.

"Well, I'm glad, I hate throwing up," Ianto told him which was the truth. If it was the drug that kept him from rushing to the bathroom as Jack had done, he was grateful. One of those awkward silences was building again.

"I just need some coffee," he added and took the edge of his napkin to his spoon. It had a smudge on it from washing.

"Last night was great," Jack said and put his napkin in his lap.

"Yeah," Ianto agreed because it was the proper thing to say. As soon as it was said, he realized that he'd made the wrong decision. Jack looked hurt.

"Yeah," he repeated in an offended tone before reaching over and kissing Ianto on the lips. He did have to admit that Jack was a great kisser and how did he smell that good for not showering yet? Still, it was a weird situation and that didn't detract from not knowing anything about him or that they were in a very public place early in the morning. Once again, he was able to put it all into perspective and he pulled away from Jack.

"We had a great time," Ianto admitted and it was the truth even if he regretted it now. He checked his watch and saw that he didn't have that much time. Maybe he could get it as a takeaway? 

"What's your work again?" Jack asked and his feet changed position with a loud scraping noise.

"Civil servant for the government," he explained as the waitress came over with their coffees, "Thanks, I'm going to need my food in a box, sorry."

"Of course," she agreed and went away again. Jack crossed his arms and commented, "So, you work for the government."

"Basically," Ianto confirmed, "and I was promoted so we celebrated by going out last night."

"Can't be easy though," Jack said, "They aren't exactly popular."  
His body language made Ianto wonder if Jack had problems with the government. Great, he'd been fucked by a basket-case. 

"What do you do for work?" he asked with trepidation about the answer.

"My roommates and I have started...we’re starting an Internet website," Jack explained before having a sip of his coffee; straight black unlike Ianto's own cup. A website could be interesting. Even Google had to start somewhere.

"What's it about?" he asked and drank some of his cup.

"I’ll give you the virtual experience. How’s that? You’re at your computer. Who’s an actress you like?" Jack questioned with that grin.

"Catherine Keener," Ianto said without hesitation. His crush on her was so cemented that he'd seen Percy Jackson the weekend before.

"I don't know who that is," Jack told him. "Who's your favorite actor?"

He didn't really have one so he named the first one who came to mind.

"Ewan McGregor," he replied and watched the kitchen for some sign of their waitress.

"Great. Who doesn’t? He's a really good one for this actually," Jack explained and his blue eyes were lighting up, "Let’s say you like him so much, you want to know every movie where he's naked. And not just that, but how long into that movie he's naked. Come to our exclusive web page. Type in ‘Ewan McGregor.’ Bam! ‘Velvet Goldmine,’ forty-five minutes in and he's already got his cock out, plus, he shags Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Christian Bale. Brilliant film, but there's also 'The Pillow Book' where she writes on his cock. It's great. He's naked in half his early films before he got married and had kids."

He wasn't sure what to say to that exuberant explanation of the website.

"Wow," he commented because he liked nudity as much as any bloke, but Jack was planning on making money by reducing any film made to pornography. It didn't seem right.

"Yeah, marriage and kids will do that to anyone," Jack spoke while looking at his coffee. Ianto saw their waitress coming towards them with a box and a plate.

"When you watch him naked though, you can see the joy on his face. He loves being naked," Jack said, "I love that about him because I love it, too."

"Okay," Ianto told him and took a twenty pound note on the table, "I actually need to get going so..."

"I didn't get your number," Jack pointed out with a quizzical expression. Was he being serious? Ianto had no intention of giving him his number.

"We had fun, right? We should do this again," Jack said and glanced towards their waitress. She put down the plate in front of Jack along with a container of syrup for the flapjacks. The last thing Ianto wanted was a scene in front of a stranger. He dug in his wallet again before finding a fake card for giving to reporters.

" I’m gonna give you my card because that’ll be the best way..." said Ianto and set it down on the table next to the plate.

" If you want to contact me, I don’t have a mobile right now because I broke it, but you can email me at the web page, I check it. It’s Jack at flesh of the stars, one word, dot com," Jack spoke as Ianto stood up. He gave the note to the waitress and took the box, not caring about the change. Then, Jack stood up as well.

"All right then," said Ianto and forced himself to smile, "It was nice to meet you." Jack held his arms out for a hug. Would this never end? He returned the hug with the hope that he would never have to see him again. When Jack leaned in for another kiss, Ianto turned away and let go.

"Take care," he said, making his way towards the exit.

"Bye!" Jack yelled after him and Ianto cringed. The whole restaurant had to hear that. He hurried faster to his car parked on the street and being on his way to work. Today would be his first full day of being a field agent and he planned to enjoy every minute. Ianto was also looking forward to Gwen's face when she found out the news they'd be working together.

SIX WEEKS LATER

Ianto took the safety off his gun at Guppy's command. However, she was back at headquarters and it was he, Gwen and Suzie investigating a Weevil report. The problem was that the Weevil was about to attack a child no older than Mica. Ianto felt sick, but he tried to shake it off and line up a shot. There was no time for a tranquilizer when a child was involved. He should have shot by now except his stomach was being more persistent as he swallowed bile that was coming up. Ianto tried to shoot anyway. The bullet landed several inches south of the heart and seemed to have the opposite effect. 

"Jones, you cock up!" Guppy's voice screamed in his ear as the Weevil grabbed the little boy by the arm, "Costello, Cooper! Get it!"  
He was frozen as Suzie shot her gun. The bullet smashed into the alien's skull and blood splattered. Crying filled the air from the boy as the Weevil fell to the ground, but it meant the child was alive. Then, Ianto ran to the nearest rubbish bin and heaved over and over. He couldn't remember ever being so sick. What was this? Soft, feminine hands were holding him by the shoulder and he knew that had to be Gwen.

"It's okay, Ianto, it's okay," she said in a soft voice and rubbed his back, "The kid just had a dislocated shoulder." It didn't feel okay to him. There had to be a logical explanation. When they arrived back at Torchwood, he refused the medical exam that Guppy suggested. He had only been a field agent for six weeks and didn't want a reputation for being a chocolate fireguard. Instead, he had gone into one of the private rooms to catch up on paperwork. About half an hour ago, Gwen had joined him.

"You really shouldn't feel bad for what happened," she said while leaning back in a chair. "We've all been through it and this was your first case with a kid. Kids...that never gets easy which is probably why Suzie had to do it. Suzie doesn't have anyone like you and I do."

Was she right? Could that be all this was?

"I just..." he started and couldn't form the words he wanted to, "I've never had that happen before."

"That's right and you've never been in the middle of a situation with a Weevil and a child either, have you?" Gwen asked with the confidence of knowing his response. He shook his head and regretted it as it made him feel a little dizzy. Then, she clicked one of the security clips up on her screen. He groaned at the audio.

"Is that you puking?" she asked and he sighed. They had it all recorded. Could it get any worse?

"At least they can't put it on Youtube," Gwen told him and it was a small consolation. However, files had been known to go missing before being accidentally emailed to every employee. Ianto groaned and settled back in his chair with his eyes shut which felt a little better. His feet were firmly planted on the ground.

"Wait a minute, they've got this clip twice," said Gwen before adding, "No, my mistake, the timestamp's different...you vomited a second time when I was pulling the car around?"

"And I'll throw up for a third time if you keep playing it," Ianto threatened before trying to control his breathing.

"Fine," she responded and the horrible audio went away.

"I can't wait to go home and make a bubble bath," he complained, "with the scented oils."

"That's what I have Rhys for," Gwen remarked before typing on the keyboard.

"Yes, because you have Rhys and Rhi has Johnny and I seem to be the only single person I know," he grumbled. 

"I'm not trying to make you feel worse..."

I know. I just..." Ianto started before the little lunch that he had started trying to come back up. He swallowed and began his sentence again, "I just get tired of it all sometimes, like I'm an outsider looking in."

This was ridiculous. He felt like he was going to vomit again!

"What?" asked Gwen and he felt a little of the liquid trickle out of his mouth, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. Over here. Not on the papers or equipment. Rubbish bin, rubbish bin!"

She placed one on the floor in front of him and he slumped over just in time.

"Are you okay?" she asked and was hesitating to touch him like earlier that day.

"Shit," Ianto complained and stayed bent over for a minute more to be sure, "I don't understand this."

"Are you sick?" Gwen questioned.

"I don't know," admitted Ianto who wasn't sure what to think at this point.

"I'm phoning Martha," she said and he didn't stop her, "What'd you eat?"

"Nothing except some crisps at lunch," he replied and realized he hadn't eaten that much the day before either.

"That's all you've had?" Gwen asked with incredulity and they both couldn't help glancing at the rubbish bin that begged to differ. He wanted to clean his mouth off, but not with his nice, folded handkerchief. Gwen must have noticed his hesitation because she handed him an extra scrap of paper.

"Yeah, Martha, it's me, Gwen, Ianto's sick," she said into her mobile before looking at him again, "She wants to know if you had your flu shot."

"Yes, when we were supposed to," he answered and hated how easily he kept getting upset.

"Just be glad you can't get pregnant," Gwen retorted and to the device added, "Well, if it were a woman, that's the first thing, anyone would say..."

"Put Martha on speakerphone," Ianto hissed so he wouldn't keep hearing half a conversation.

"What are his symptoms?" Martha asked and Gwen replied, "He's thrown up three times today, barely eaten a thing, looks a bit flushed and to be honest, keeps being right moody, more than usual."


End file.
